I Don't Wanna Be Me
by ObsidianWarrior
Summary: What happens when Ui can't sleep?


_**ObsidianWarrior here after my creator backlash against the fics I had written a long time ago. I have another K-On fic and a Higurashi fic in the works, and I plan on working on Chapter 2 of K-ONklok when superstarultra and I aren't busy. But for now, here's a fic based on the Type O Negative song "Christian Woman" (which I would recommend you play in the background if you want more effect to the story - not needed or forced, just recommended!) and a Yui/Ui joke a friend cracked. If you don't like yuri or incest, you know where the back button is, so no flames. For those of you who would enjoy this, please keep reading. Enjoy!**

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1:52 AM

The Hirasawa household was silent on this August night. The parents to the family were gone. Not dead, but to Australia on a business trip. The eldest sister, Yui Hirasawa was fast asleep under a fan, curled up like a newborn kitten under her blankets. The youngest, Ui Hirasawa, was having a hard time sleeping at night. The young girl had been tossing and turning all night, kicking her blankets off the bed, sleeping on bare mattress, it didn't matter. The poor girl couldn't sleep. Ui moaned in discomfort, turning her head and spotting a pillow the size and thickness of a duffel bag.

_Perfect..._the youngest Hirasawa sister thought. She found the pillow in a thrift store for 500 yen, and after she washed it and sprayed it with Febreeze, it was all ready to sleep with. After using it to rest her head with for six months, the girl saw it sitting on her bed and noticed that it was just the right size to cuddle with. So that lonely night, Ui decided to strike up a conversation with the pillow and pretend someone else was responding to her. It really helped with the loneliness and feelings of sadness to talk to someone. She pretended for weeks that it was one of the cute guys at school, celebrities, dead relatives, and finally, her own sister. For some reason, talking to "Yui" was more satisfying than talking to a guy who she eyed at lunchtime in class. This was as good a time as any to talk to Yui without waking her up and risking her being grumpy and sleepy the next day.

"Hi there Yui." Ui softly whispered.

_'Hello Ui! How was your day?'_the pillow responded to Ui. God, she may be crazy, but who isn't these days?

"I..."

_'Problems with that Kosaka girl again? I swear I'm gonna stomp her head into the dirt!' _Pillow-Yui responded.

"No, Kosaka transferred. I have other issues at hand here!" Ui spoke out in a louder voice.

_'I'm sorry sis. So what's wrong?'_Ui gulped. Now or never.

"I... have a bit of a crush on someone." Ui shuddered.

_'Aww... Who is it? Is he nice? Does he-'_

"That's just it. It's not a 'he'. It's a 'she'." Ui spoke, butterflies flapping in her stomach.

_'Eh? A girl? That's so weird Ui!' _Pillow-Yui laughed a bit. Ui gasped, and rolled over on her side. Maybe her red pillow won't be such an ass to her tonight.

_'Sis? Are you okay?'_Pillow-Yui naively asked.

"No it's not okay! I'm trying to tell you something that's been on my mind for weeks now and you're laughing! How is _that_alright?" Ui yelled, not caring that her flesh and blood sister was asleep and unaware. Right now her cotton and linen sister needed to be talked to.

'_I'm sorry... C'mon, lil' sis! You can tell me anything! Let's just talk about whatever you want. I promise I'll listen_,' replied the hunk of cotton and fabric. Ui rolled from her side and lay flat on her back, just staring up at the ceiling of her bedroom.

I'm crazy to even try talking to an inanimate object about something like... this, Ui thought to herself. She massaged the sides of her forehead like a hunk of dough being kneaded, and glanced over at the substitute of her older sister.

"Well, you see s-s-sis..." Ui pursed her lips and looked around at gloominess of her room, as if to scan for invisible eavesdroppers. "The person that I like is... is someone that I know already. She... She's very special to me. And I think... I mean... I think that she... It's really hard to say."

'_Go on ahead, Ui. Just say it! If you don't tell me anything, I can't help you!_' cheered pillow-Yui. The young brunette could practically envision the mirth-filled smile of her sister on the pillow's surface.

"Well, it's just that I think... I _know_ she won't return my feelings. She'll think I'm weird or sick in the head. Mom and dad will hate me, my friends will ditch me, everyone will look at me weird, and she'll never look at me the same way again." Ui was now sitting up. Sweat and goosebumps now coated her arms, creating an uncomfortable sticky feeling between her skin and pajama sleeves. Her secret was very close to being revealed in this imaginary conversation. As she rolled up her sleeves to focus, she cast a glance at her pillow/sibling. It felt like there was some small monster clawing at the insides of her chest. Her gut, brain, and heart were telling her to let it out before it tore her apart from the inside-out. Maybe she could do it. She had poured out all her fears over what she suspected would happen. Ui could clearly envision what would happen if she confessed her feelings for Yui. Her sister would be confused and awkward around her.

Not hate her though; Yui didn't seem physically capable of hating anyone. But what would her friends say. Ritsu would probably call her creepy. Mio and Azusa would treat her like a disease. Tsumugi would smile and make an attempt to understand, but there would always be a certain uneasiness between them. And Nodoka... What would she do? With Yui confused, Nodoka would use it as an opportunity to act as a shoulder for her to lean on. Maybe even convince Yui to ignore her... She could not let that happen.

'_Ui? You okay? You don't look good._' Ui took a breath and faced Pillow-Yui. It was now or never.

"The thing is this. I... I... I like... I love..." Ui swallowed hard and shut her eyes before finally deciding to just throw it out there. "I love you, Yui! I love you! That's what I always wanted to say! I... love you." The only response to her confession was silence. that was somehow even more terrible than a fake understanding of her admitted love. Even her own mind couldn't fabricate an appropriate response.

"I'm... I'm... I'm so disgusting..." Ui finally breathed out, cupping her hands over her mouth. Her body surrendered and following the muffled sobs flowing out of her mouth, her eyes released a torrent of tears. They stained the pillow, leaving small dark marks in it. It didn't really matter to Ui though. It was only a pillow- not Yui. Now that she wasn't projecting onto the pillow, it had no response to Ui's sobbing.

"What's wrong with me? I'm thinking impure thoughts about my sister! The girl I've loved since she could walk!" Ui screamed, sobbing loudly for what felt like hours, but in reality was more like two minutes. A brief tapping interrupted her melancholic state.

"Ui? Are you okay?" Yui's voice called out. Oh no. Did she hear what she had said to the pillow? Did she wake her up? Those questions swirled in her head with other potential possibilities.

"I-I'm fine!" Ui lied, wiping tears from her eyes. The door creaked open as her older sister walked in the door.

"I heard screaming and crying. What's going on?" Yui innocently asked, setting a glass of water she had in her hand on Ui's nightstand. Ui sighed. Searching her mind for a suitable lie, Ui thought of something that had happened when they saw _The Texas Chainsaw Massacre_ as children.

"I had a bad dream sis... that's all. No need to worry!" Ui quickly added on. Yui sighed; this hadn't failed her when she was a kid and Ui was scared by lightning and thunder, and it shouldn't fail her now! Within seconds, the young girl wrapped her arms around her sibling in a bear-hug, unknowingly adding on to Ui's problem.

_Oh God! Not now Yui! Not now... _Ui thought as her sister finally released her from her grip. She had asked for her sibling's affection, but this was just adding insult to injury.

"There! All better! You think you'll be okay for tonight Ui?" Yui asked.

"Y-yeah. T-thank you sis..." Ui stuttered, waiting for her to leave before things went off the rails.

"You're welcome!" Yui chirped, picking up her water and taking a sip, offering the glass to Ui. Fearing the whole "indirect kiss" aspect of this, she declined, even though her throat needed the moisture.

"Great. Sleep tight Ui~!" Yui chirped, closing the door behind her. Ui sat up in her bed, still propped up in the position she was in when her sister hugged her.

_My God! What's wrong with me?_ _She's my sister! I'm supposed to protect her, not fall in love with her! I'm a **freak**!_" Ui screamed in her head. Grabbing the pillow she was previously talking to, Ui buried her head into it and sobbed until her tear ducts were dry.

_Please... Who or whatever is up there, **please** remove this sickness from me. I can't take it! Is it a joke if you made me fall in love with my sister, and there's no way she'd reciprocate? Please just let me sleep tonight..._Ui continued in her head, covering her body with a sheet and closing her eyes, finally able to drift to sleep.

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_**Yes, it's short and looks rushed, but that's intentional, I wanted to see if a fic could be written for them that's under 2,000 words (not lying!). Credit to superstarultra for help with this fic. I have no idea how this turned out, so please tell me how it went...**_


End file.
